Success

What It Means To Be A Success

I have often struggled with the idea of what it means to be a success. As a kid I was ALWAYS trying to fit in- with peers, family, teachers, staff, workers, helpers, neighbors, etc. Often I underwent a 'fundamental shift/change' in me to conform to those standards. In school it was often a 'very different' culture from what was at home (something I have written about in my diaries). Its as though I was being polished, being made more 'tamed', being set up to be a better person. I picked up whatever little I could. I don't know if I was successful in doing that, however, I received a 'Spirit of Welham' award upon completion of my Grade 12 (for a girl who personified the spirit of the values the school taught). We are after all often the 'product' of our surroundings and I often believe the organization we work for, too, shapes our beliefs and values.

Then came college and I was trying to fit in, albeit a different culture from what I had grown up as a schoolgirl. I was always very careful about attendance as a college graduate and my father oversaw all my grades. He even asked me at the end of every week how much I had studied in every subject (History, Political Science, Economics). Thanks to him I managed to improve my grades in my graduating years (1997-2000). However, suddenly after completing graduation I wanted to work and be a professional instead of continuing my studies. 

NDTV (New Delhi Television Limited) is one place where I can say I was not trying to fit in but I was completely my true Self, without any inhibitions- a place where I feel I had simply a new growth, grooming, new lifestyle, with complete joy, satisfaction, contentment, fulfilment and intellectual and personal growth. Yet I wanted to study further and decided to take up a degree in Cardiff University (https://www.cardiff.ac.uk/) for furthering my education and maybe become more informed in the process. As I struggled to get the degree I failed in writing my dissertation, which did make me feel like an utter failure, yet I feel I 'succeeded' in a lot of ways. There was so much more to the whole 'cultural paradigm' that was entirely new to me. For example, I NEVER touched a pizza until I studied in Cardiff. I usually only stuck to Dal-Roti-Sabzi. 

After coming back and getting into teaching, I actually started mulling over what it means to be a success. It means different things to different people, based on what meanings you attach to definitions around empowerment. For example, my sister-in-law had a very different childhood where her mother never taught her how to cook from a very young age (unlike mine); yet she appreciates when I offer to cook a vegetable or make tea. I still find that more fulfilling than writing a research paper or a column for a newspaper/website. 

Success is about finding your own little voice, a dollop of 'daily growth', meeting a minute-little 'daily target' and chugging along, if not racing like a 'bullet train'. I have had my brushes with success and failures, and for every failure there has been a 'silver lining'; which never made me feel like a failure as such.

Today, as I write this, I get news of my grandfather's demise. A person I was very close to- one with whom I always discussed my personal and professional aspirations. He once jokingly said, 'Navodita, you are a girl who can never find a boy who will match your intellectual and personality.' He always had faith in me and showed me off to others in his group of friends as though I were a BIG ACHIEVER. He rarely mulled over my failures, dismissing any such discussion in the family circle, saying, 'she's made of different stuff, not like the others.'

As I write new definitions of success, I might be missing one more deadline, yet I FEEL SUCCESSFUL.

- Adios Nana!! (forever in my heart)